October 20, 2014 Leave a comment
By Craig Andresen
Sooner or later, the proof that liberals suffer from mad cow disease would surface and, now we have it.
On Friday, the Dictator did what any left thinking ass hat would do to ease people’s undue panic over Ebola.
He named an EBOLA CZAR because, as everybody is aware, Czars have a long history of fixing things.
So…who IS our czar savior from the rampaging wild Ebolas?
Why…it’s none other than the FIRST person anybody would THINK of for such an important position. It’s the name that virtually LEAPS to mind when our health is at risk.
Ron Klain of course.
Ron Klain…oh come on…KLAIN…RON KLAIN!!!
I know what you’re wondering. Just who in THE hell is RON…FRIGGIN’ KLAIN??? He’s an…ummmmm…attorney. Naturally…but not just ANY garden variety ambulance chaser…oh NO…THIS Ron Klain used to be the chief of staff for…
Now, to be fair, Klain’s resume goes a little further than advising ol’ huff and blow.
HE WAS ALSO THE CHIEF OF STAFF TO EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE POSTER BOY FOR CRANIAL-RECTAL SYNDROME…
JOE “BIG F-ING DEAL” BIDEN!!!
The regime is touting this new position as…the nation’s “Ebola response coordinator.” NOW COME ON, don’t be such a cynic…if as a nation, we are about to come down with a severe case of EXPLOSIVE EBOLARIA…(California being the exiting orifice) don’t you think it’s important to have an ATTORNEY in charge?
According to the Dictator himself…“It may make sense for us to have one person … so that after this initial surge of activity we can have a more regular process just to make sure we are crossing all the Ts and dotting all the Is.”
Apparently, Klain will be putting the “CONTRACT” in contracting Ebola.
None of this makes any sense…an attorney who only answers to the Dictator…overseeing a health risk situation rather than someone with…oh, I don’t know…a MEDICAL DEGREE…until you stop to ponder that this legal boll weevil is more apt to PROTECT OBAMA FROM A LAWSUIT stemming from a stealth jihad mandated wild Ebola stampede than to protect YOU from virus encrusted EBOLA POOP TORPEDOS!!!
And besides…Ron Klain IS the dude who assisted with the implementation of the OBAMA stimulus package of 2009 and was up to eyeballs in SOLYNDRA!!!
Dear God, we’ve gone from Cash for Clunkers to Moratoriums on Vomitoriums.
In case you haven’t been keeping score on the marauding Ebolas and the Obama regime’s response to them…allow me to bring you up to speed.
Obama’s CDC knothead claims that were we to stop any and all flights from Ebolland to OUR land, we would make the outbreak WORSE.
Louie Faharacrap says the CIA invented Ebola to Kill Black people.
And various liberal bottom feeders like Shiela Jackson Lee have been claiming that Ebola in OUR country is the fault of REPUBLICANS because THEY claim the EVIL REPUBLICANS are to blame for SEQUESTER which cut spending by the National Institute for Health resulting in us not having a vaccine for Ebola.
Ummmm…I suppose it was also the evil Republicans who insisted that more than a staggering $39 MILLION…of our taxpayer dollars that COULD have been used to create vaccines for Ebola was spent instead on such national pandemics as…obese lesbians, origami condoms, texting drunks.
No, I am NOT making this crap up and, thanks to an article from the Washington Free Beacon…we have a few DETAILS regarding just how the NIH has been spending our money when sequester wasn’t preventing them from doing so.
For instance, the agency has spent $2,873,440 trying to figure out why lesbians are obese, and $466,642 on why fat girls have a tough time getting dates. Another $2,075,611 was spent encouraging old people to join choirs.
Millions have gone to “text message interventions,” including a study where researchers sent texts to drunks at the bar to try to get them to stop drinking. The project received an additional grant this year, for a total of $674,590.
The NIH is also texting older African Americans with HIV ($372,460), HIV and drug users in rural areas ($693,000), HIV smokers ($763,519), pregnant smokers ($380,145), teen moms ($243,839), and meth addicts ($360,113). Text message interventions to try to get obese people to lose weight have cost $2,707,067.
Sooooo…according to the National Institute for Health…the greatest problem faced by Meth addicts, older black people with HIV, various drug abusers, smokers and teen age mothers is…having an ass the size of MOOchelle’s???
The NIH’s research on obesity has led to spending $2,101,064 on wearable insoles and buttons that can track a person’s weight, and $374,670 to put on fruit and vegetable puppet shows for preschoolers.
That seems like international stalking to me but what do I know?
And just to prove that the NIH is not solely fixated on fat, Canadian LESBIANS…they also dropped $692,697 dollars of your money in an attempt to discover why, exactly, gay men in PERU…get syphilis.
No…I don’t see research and development of an Ebola vaccine on the list either but…we DO have stunning results from many of the OTHER high priority studies conducted by the NIH…
Fat lesbians are fat because they’re fat, not because they’re lesbians and apparently, the only fat girls not getting dates are a few fat STRAIGHT girls because, the lesbians seem to be doing fine.
The whole “text a drunk” to get them to stop drinking” thing didn’t work out because drunks kept asking whoever was texting them to meet them at a bar for a drink.
With regard to the wearable insoles and buttons that can track a person’s weight…that was scrapped for elastic pants with a built in air raid siren in case of a fart attack and…the preschool crowd was too busy hacking into government documents on behalf of the NSA to be bothered to watch a FRUIT AND VEGETABLE PUPPET SHOW put on by the NIH.
Regrettably, the study from Peru was inconclusive as 6 out of 10 of the syphilitic yak-smackers wouldn’t stop singing Peruvian show tunes and the other 4 thought Obama was DREEEEEEAMY.
Anyway, the GOOD news in all of this is that you can now lay aside your concerns…the wild Ebolas are being held at bay.
NEVER FEAR…RON KLAIN…ATTORNEY TO THE CZARS IS HERE!!!!
If I were the Dictator…Barack Hussein OBOLA…I wouldn’t be SUING THE CRAP out of a disease spread via BODILY FLUIDS!!!